One of the greatest things about my job is I live where I work. When you live in a commercially zoned area they don’t have a school bus route for you. Since we are part of the public school system they had to make an exception and make one. This means that my Big gets bused right to the house.
Since I’m busy working away in the office when she gets home, she always comes in and hangs out with me for a bit to tell me about her day. I thoroughly enjoy this brief one-on-one time with her as we really don’t get much alone time anymore. Our conversations normally exist of what she learned about, what she had for lunch, as well as anything exciting that happened.
Now that she is getting older we are starting to have less and less shallow conversations.
Today she explained that she was upset because someone was being mean to her BFF. (Getting the full story is painstaking with this one, as she hasn’t fully developed how to share all the necessary information when retelling a story.) As the conversation unfolded, I found out that her (My Big’s) BFF’s, BFF from last year was being mean to my Big’s BFF, because said BFF didn’t sit in the middle of last years BFF and my Big. So last years BFF wrote a mean note to my Big’s BFF telling her that she hated her, because she sat next to my Big and not her.
Did you get that?
Because if you did, you’re amazing! It took me awhile to grasp it all when she first told me. (Seriously, I forgot the drama associated with school.)
Now my Big’s feelings were hurt, and she was sad for her BFF as well. Her initial reaction was that they just shouldn’t play with that girl anymore, because she wrote a mean note, and was being nasty to them. But I had a different idea. As we sat there I asked her why she thought last years BFF was being so mean to them? My big shrugged and then the wheels started turning.
“Why do you think she is jealous?”
“Because she wanted to sit by my BFF.”
“What do you think you could’ve done differently in that situation.”
“Just let her sit there from now on.”
Though her answer wasn’t bad, I explained she doesn’t have to give up her spot, but rather she can share her BFF. (After all this was the mean girls BFF last year.) And even though she did nothing wrong, and is caught in the middle, she can help solve the problem. It makes everyone feel good when they are included.
We talked about how she would feel if she was in the mean girls situation. And that the mean girl is probably being mean because she is jealous and hurting. I suggested that turning their two-some into a three-some might actually be more fun! She agreed that this was a great plan of action and got really excited about giving it a try.
As a mom, I don’t ever want my daughters to be the mean girls in school. That doesn’t “mean” (pun not intended, but oh so fun.) that I want them to constantly be wet blankets and allow others to treat them badly or walk all over them. I want them to give everyone a chance. This isn’t to say that they have to be friends with everyone, but I certainly hope they are kind to everyone.
Raising our girls to not be mean is something that starts now…..at school….on the playground. Life if about building relationships with those around us, and the best example they have is you mama. So let’s give everyone a chance, lets not bash each other for our different parenting styles, or the way we choose to raise our kids period. Band together, Create Your Beautiful, and instead of giving dirty looks to the yard duty who ticked you off in the parking lot, buy her a coffee because maybe she is just having a bad day.