It absolutely grieves me how our society looks at divorce. When you get one, people’s initial reaction is to tell you, “Congratulations!” I’m not sure how anyone can really feel happy about getting a divorce.
It’s been about a year since my divorce was finalized and the day before, as well as the day of my divorce, I ate an entire box of chocolates, 1/2 pie and drank a bottle of wine. Not to mention I cried myself to sleep both nights.
How can you be so in love with someone, once upon a time, and shut off all emotions about them the next. I truly don’t believe you can. It’s a farce; a mask we ware, so afraid of feeling again that we hide behind it. If we are honest with ourselves and each other, divorce hurts. No matter who wanted it, or who initiated it. It is an ugly thing and not a single one of us thought that we would be here.
But here we are.
Bitterness is a stage we must go through as part of our healing. But the key words are “go through.” too many of us stay here and allow it to fuel us. It is an amazing cheerleader, bitterness, and some of us are so good at masking it we not only have others, but ourselves fooled that it reigns our lives. But if you listen long enough you will see it’s ugly head rear.
I stayed in my bitter stage far longer than I wanted, and while I was there, I heard the phrase, “Nothing can define you, unless you allow it.” Meaning nothing out there gets to label me, without my permission.
Single mom, doesn’t define me. Divorced woman….doesn’t define me.
I have overcome so many obstacles in my life and my greatest one is not listening to the opinions of sheep. I know who I am. A child of God. A princess. A work in progress. But best of all, I know who my daddy is. He is the king. The restorer of all. He makes beauty form Ashes. He is my comfort and my Joy.
I have to say that though I will never say that I am happily divorced, I will tell you that I am happy to be out of such a bad realtionship, I’m happy to have rediscovered who I am, and what I am made of. But that is as far as my “happy” will go on the matter.
I will forever mourn the loss of my marriage. I will continue to focus on my healing, and bettering myself and the life I live.
And when you tell me that you’ve endured a divorce, I will squeeze your hand, look you in the eye and tell you, “I know.” Because I do. Divorce sucks. I am not afraid to tell you that it hurts. That I am hurt. That sometimes, I allow the painful memories to overcome me and cry at the most inopportune times. It is healing. It makes us whole again. It allows God to be our strength.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient
for you, for My power is made perfect in
weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the
more gladly about my weaknesses, so
that Christ’s power may rest on me.
So I encourage you, don’t be afraid to feel. Don’t be afraid to tell the world that divorce sucks, but that we are still OK.