Have you ever heard the term, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger?”
Life throws all sorts of curve balls at as daily. And when it does we have two choices, we can run away from the things that make us uncomfortable, or we can choose to take the bull by the horns and conquer it.
At the beginning of my divorce I shied away from anything that made me feel.
I just wanted to be numb. I wanted to not feel anything.
Movies were the worst. If it was Romance, it just reminded me how mine had ended.
If it was comedy it just reminded me that I was laughing alone.
Any movie or song that made me think of him was off limits, because it just hurt too much. As you can image, that meant resorting to the music I listened to in high school, before I met him. Those were some embarrassing months.
If we constantly avoid the things that hurt us, or make us uncomfortable in life, we do ourselves the injustice of getting to heal. Some of my biggest growths were in facing my pain head on.
The first movie I watched on my own after he left was “Blended.”
What a movie to watch!
Everything about that movie hurt. The fact that Adam Sandler is my favorite, and the memories of watching his movies together. On to of it being pretty closely related to what I was going through.
The next one was “The Fault in our Stars.”
Talk about rough!!!
What possessed me to watch a movie that reminded me that I no longer had anyone, to loving hold my hand while I faced death, is beyond me! But there I was sobbing through the whole thing.
Music was particularly hard, 10 years of music we had listened to together! It seemed like every time I heard a song that we used to listen to I would cry. I was finally able to find a new artist that only barely reminded me of him, but didn’t have the memories of driving down the highway together.
Country was the hardest.
We loved country music, so much in fact that we had a full on country backyard wedding. I got married barefoot in front of the old barn, under the apple trees with nothing but country playing in the background. (Besides our song, which was Adam Sandler’s “I wanna grow old with you.” Told you I was a fan!)
It took me a solid year to finally bring the country girl back out of me. I remember turning on the country station for the first time after that year and giving myself the “You can do it!” pep talk. I probably bawled for the first couple months until it finally became bearable.
I have had to face many difficult things since my divorce; camping together as a “family”, spending Christmas together for the kids sake, accepting and getting to know girlfriends….
And that’s just in my personal life. I have had to get out of my comfort zone so many times in my work and other social encounters it’s unreal.
But what I’ve learned is that I am stronger because of it. I know now that I can make it, and that even though I still cry sometimes, 3 years later, I’m OK. Life really will never be the same, but I’m partly thankful for that because I never would’ve found the strength I now have. Being forced to face the difficult and step out of my comfort zone, has matured me in so many ways.
It taught me not only to believe in myself but to really trust in God, and lean on Him.
I no longer run from the things that hurt, I now have learned to place them at Jesus’ feet, cry and tackle the beast.
If you are running, if you are scared, like I was, to hurt….I get it.
Just know that you aren’t doing yourself any favors by avoiding it. You have to face your dragon sometime.
I encourage you the next time something becomes too hard to deal with, or it makes you want to cry. Just cry, but don’t give up. Once you realize that you can make it, you’ll come out the other side stronger.
You got this!